Allen O’Donoghue of CA Coaching discusses the transition to primary school. In this podcast he covers establishing routines for homework and bedtime, getting to know the parents of your child’s friends, keeping track of what your kids watch on television, parental controls and the Internet, getting to know your child’s teacher, and tips for communication.
A pre-schooler is thought of as a child that is aged between 3 and 5 years. But regardless of whether they are 3, 4 or 5 they still need the a structure that creates boundaries for them and keeps them safe.
You are taking what you have implemented at the toddler stage, the routine that you have created for them and the communications patterns that you have established with them and you are building on these.
And if you haven’t had a good routine or a strong communications pattern with your child up to this time, don’t worry, it’s not too late to introduce this now. Your kids are far more adaptable than you think. They are not set in their ways. Any behaviour patterns that they are demonstrating now can be changed – it just takes awareness from the parent and dedication to changing this pattern.
The same issues as for toddlers – routine around eating meals, playing, sleeping and engagement with other children is important. It’s just more challenging at this time because your pre-schooler is trying to assert their independence and so they will push against you and challenge your authority.
At this stage, your child is still trying to understand what is acceptable and not and so you may find that they continue to push and challenge you in their behaviour. Some parents experience the terrible twos and go on to discover that they don’t stop when your child turns three. Others escape the terrible twos only to discover that their child hits the terrible twos while they are three. Tantrums, shouting and stamping of feet can be a feature of this stage and so it is an important time for parents to remember that they are the adults and it is their responsibility to deal with this calmly.
Again, much the same as with toddlers, the purpose of discipline at this stage if to provide consistency, boundaries and ultimately to keep your child safe.
But the difference at this stage, is that your child is better able to understand when you explain what they have done wrong.
For you, explanation is key … in order to maintain discipline, you must be able to explain to them why they are on a time out or why you have taken away a toy etc. HOWEVER the difference at this age is that they will feel completely justified in telling you exactly why they did what they did (and whose fault it was) and chances are they will think that they were right. You need to remember, again that you are the adult. Your coping mechanism at this point is to be firm, explain why you are doing what you are doing and do not engage further in conversation with them … let them justify, justify, justify what they did but don’t get into a discussion with them about it.
This is also a good age to introduce star charts or reward charts as they can appreciate rewards and can start to comprehend that positive behaviour has benefits.
For more information on preschoolers and positive parenting, visit http://cacoaching.ie.
For new parents, the toddler tantrum poses the greatest fear. And worse still, the tantrum in public. For most of us a tantrum in the supermarket, in the doctors waiting room or in a friend or relatives house is a nightmare because we feel it a reflection on us as parents. We fear that we are being judged or being seen as bad parents. But think about it – when you see it happen yourself, you tend to have a quiet smile to yourself and thank god it’s not you. Tantrums at home and in public are part of your child learning to assert themselves and are perfectly natural. What matters is how you react to them. A couple of techniques include:
Look at what has worked for you in the past. Know what works for you and trust your instinct for dealing with these situations. Panic sets in when a child is having a tantrum in public but you know how deal with this for your child. Be realistic. You can’t just abandon whatever you have to do because your child is having a tantrum so you have to reason with them in a realistic manner. Again, it all comes down to good communication (and of course patience on your part).
For more positive parenting tips, visit http://cacoaching.ie.
Parenting Toddlers is a challenge at any age. Your toddler is learning to assert themselves and will push the boundaries (and probably test your patience) as part of exploring themselves. Here are a couple of our top tips for parenting toddlers:
Routine: do not under-estimate the importance of routine. From eating meals at the kitchen table, to play-time, nap-time and bathtime and bedtime, routine gives your toddler a sense of structure and security. Though it won’t always prevent troublesome behaviour, it will help to minimise it because toddlers love to know what’s coming next. If your household finds routine difficult, because you are working shifts or have other responsibilities, try to establish a routine where possible especially around meals and bedtime and get everyone who is part of caring for your toddler (be it grandparents, child-minders, older siblings) involved in maintaining that routine.
Understand their Attention Span: Remember their attention span is very short. A toddler has an attention span of 20 minutes at best. It can be frustrating for parents that you are in the middle of doing something and they lose interest and start acting up. If you remember this fact, it will help you to control your frustration – they are not being disruptive just to frustrate you – it’s just the stage of life that they are at. It is also very important to recognise when they DO actually wait for you to finish what you are doing. They will learn that when they do as you ask, they will get postive recognition from you. This is worth so much more than a chocolate bar!
Age Appropriate Responsibilities: many parents feel like they cannot or should not engage their toddlers in tasks around the house. But now is the time to get them started in age appropriate tasks. Make the tasks fun, do them together, use them as a chance to work with your child so they are close to you. Simple things like putting their teddies back in the cot in the morning, bringing their cereal bowl over to the sink, putting their jigsaw or lego back in the box when they are finished playing or stirring the mixture when baking can help them to build small tasks and responsibilities into everyday life.
Bedtime: This is where routine is particularly important. Toddlers should recognise a bedtime routine. A bedtime routine is all about giving them a familiar pattern of behaviour and a soothing lead in to sleep time. Toddlers need 12 hours sleep a night. But bedtime is also incredibly important for you as the parent. Getting a good bedtime routine will give you a couple of hours for yourself. You need time for yourself and so you need to invest time in getting your child’s bedtime routine right so that you also get some time to rest
Whatever your routine, it should gradually wind down to sleep. Having a bath, putting on PJs, using the toilet, brushing little teeth, having a bottle followed by a bedtime story or a song before you gently leave the room is a very soothing routine for your toddler. Maintaining a routine can be difficult if you have older children but it is important to explain to them why the youngest child needs this routine to make sure they go to sleep early. They may even be happy to get involved.
Remember from teatime onwards your goal is to reduce the amount of stimulation your child has. Turn off the TV, DVD or electronic games. Put away bright noisy toys that will stimulate your child. Once teatime comes, everything should be quieter and more peaceful.
I’m not going to be popular when I say this but there should be no TV/DVD players in children’s bedrooms. Bedrooms are for sleep time and there a continuous stream of cartoons and children’s programmes will not help your child to wind down and get restful sleep.
Toddlers will go through phases of not wanting to go to bed and they may fight you all the way. But they are doing this because they want your attention. It might be negative attention but it is still attention. If they keep climbing out of bed, follow the basic principles: put them back into bed and explain to them that it is time to go to sleep. If it keeps happening, lift them back into bed but do not engage in conversation. Keep them safe, soothe them into bed but do not stimulate discussion. It can be exhausting if it keeps happening but stick at it. If you are getting frustrated, don’t allow your emotions to rise. Ask your partner or another family member to take over from you to give you a couple of minutes to compose yourself. Be consistent – after a couple of nights of sticking to this pattern, your child will recognise the pattern and will accept it.
Continue reading at http://cacoaching.ie/toddlers/
Allen O'Donoghue of CA Coaching discusses a variety of topics around parenting toddlers. In this episode he discusses the importance of boundaries and routine, tips for communicating with your toddler, discipline, handling tantrums, and the importance of good nutrition.
Allen of CA Coaching discusses the three pillars of parenting: communication, dealing with conflict, and setting boundaries. During this podcast, Allen covers;